Where You Focus Your Attention Is What You Get!
This is an article I published a couple of years ago. It keeps showing up around the internet in different places. It's one of my favorite - I thought I would share it again as we are start thinking about how we want to be in the New Year...
Cheryl Richardson, a favorite author and fellow coach, has written a new
book called "Stand Up for Your Life". In this book she talks about how our
society tends to "bond over stress instead of success". I see this in
action every day in my own life and in the lives of my clients.
We tend to give each other permission to complain freely- it's actually
become the way we interact with others. It's OK to compare stresses or say
something negative to a total stranger for the sake of opening a
conversation and relating to each other. For example, you get in the
elevator on a rainy day, "Some storm! Traffic was terrible!". We feel free
to talk about what's wrong with everything from traffic, weather, the kids,
the husband/wife, work, the messy house to crowded/late flights.
So what's wrong with this you might ask? Well, it creates constant whining
and complaining if you're not careful!! While each of these little snippets
of conversation seem meaningless, when you look at an entire day it can
really add up to a negative outlook on life. With this negative way of
thinking it can be hard to believe in our dreams, be truly happy and feel
gratitude for our life.
We tend to look for evidence of life being hard/bad/difficult so we can
share it with someone or to prove our point. I know I've been a creator of
my own "negative spiral". I have gone through a day looking for evidence to
support how tough my life is. I awaken with a sinus headache and immediately
think it's going to be a "bad day" and then I find all the proof I
need...there's traffic, I'm out of gas, I forgot the baby bottles, I'm late,
etc... When we keep our focus on looking for this evidence it's no surprise
that we do in fact have a bad day.
What if you started a conversation with a success? Something like..."Hey,
the greatest thing happened today.....I got a new client, how about those
beautiful flowers out front, or I made the best dinner last night!" What if
you started looking for evidence of "Having a Great Day".
Recently Psychology Today reported how a positive attitude can help you live
longer because you feel like you have more control over your life. Your
energy will amp up because you are choosing to not focus on your life using
the media mentality of "the sky is always falling". And in the simplest
of terms...the smile on your face is more likely to put a smile on someone
else's face!
When was the last time you actually encouraged someone to talk about what's
going well in their life? We naturally do this with our kids. We listen
while they tell us how they made a slam dunk or read a new word. I often
ask my son, Nicholas," What's the most awesome thing that happened to you
today?" I get the best answers! It's usually funny which makes me laugh and
it definitely makes me feel like we shared something real about his day.
A friend of mine, Sherean, has that positive outlook on life and for the
people who are in her life. She fully believes that I am creative,
resourceful and fully capable of doing anything I want to do. She values my
opinions, encourages my ideas, and I can talk about my success (yes, even
brag - oh my!). She lets me "shine my light" when we're together. Just
planning a lunch with her gets me in such a good mood. My creative juices
go into overdrive and my energy sparks just knowing that it's such a
supportive alliance. In fact, by letting me shine it gives her permission
to do the same and the value is multiplied! It always results in an
incredibly uplifting and motivating conversation that carries into the rest
of our day.
We certainly need to have the support of close friends and family who we can
let it all hang out with - it's helpful to be able to ponder and process the
difficulties in life and share solutions. But we can also choose our
focus.
So where are you focusing your attention in your life? How does this
support your vision for how you want your life to be?
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LIFE SKILLS :
4 Ways to Increase Your Awareness and Change Your Attitude
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1. For the rest of the day, notice how often you bond with others
over complaining about something. Just by noticing you create
an awareness of your behavior and that alone can lead to inspired change.
2. Play a game for one day and don't say anything negative. No whining.
No complaining. No bonding over stress. Notice how you feel in this
situation. Some people find this really hard to do. There can be a bit of
panic....now what do we talk about??
3. Next idea....Think of something positive to say AND say it! Say it to
the cashier, to the drive through attendant when getting coffee, to the
person in the elevator, to your boss, to your coworker at lunch, to your
girlfriend...
4. Give someone else permission to shine. Ask them a questions like:
What was the best part of your day? What energizes you? Tell me something
good! So, what great thing did your son do today?
Know that when you do, at the least, you'll feel good and maybe, some of
the light will rub off and you'll find increased energy and inspiration -
you'll feel good!!
If you are reading this blog, then you are probably thinking about goals and plans and dreams for the new year, and wondering "How can I do this and have it be enjoyable and even meaningful? "
A fantastic book to support you in creating what's important is "Money, Meaning and Beyond." This book, written by Andrea Lee, former General Manager at Coachville and consultant for Deloitte and Touche, is a quick read and yet full of really profound, simple perspectives and strategies for creating a business that is successful and fulfilling. I use these principles for my own business and with all my clients! I also like for my business partners to read the book so we are on the same page when it comes to what we are co-creating for Joyful Business. Get your copy and copies for your assistants, web master, graphics guru, and even your coach if they don't have it yet: 
I just love going to a cafe to start my day. Each coffee shop, tea shop, bakery, or breakfast haunt, has its own unique energy. What I mean by energy is, well, a variety of things...
